Summer. I've learned a lot about myself this summer. I've learned that I thrive on routine and summer, for a stay at home mother, is anything BUT routine. I took a hiatus from my weight loss and I gained some pounds. My ORIGINAL weight when I started this blog was 244. The lowest I've been in the last year has been 188/189 (can't remember the specific number...) And today I'm at 205.0. I've heard Dr. Hempel talk about how he will have patients who have lost 50 pounds, then they gain back 15 and the gain is the only thing they comment on. "I had lost weight but I've gained back 15." What about the other 35 pounds you lost??? Doesn't it count anymore?
As of today, I've lost 39 pounds. Yes, I gained over the summer but the most important thing of all is that I'm STILL IN THE GAME. As summer came to a close, I can tell you that my self esteem was in the toilet. I had my "last hurrah" by indulging at the lake on ice cream bars, cheeseburgers, and sugared sodas. I was wearing moo-moo dresses or pants with elastic in the waist. When I walked back into the gym last week, I felt really ashamed. I felt like people were looking at me and all they could see was 15 pounds that had reattached itself to my torso. But I got back on the machines, found my gym friends, and I've gotten back to work.
The cool weather has come back to Klamath Falls and autumn is coming. I'm wearing the same long sleeved work out shirts I wore last year, when I was on my initial 'weight loss high' and dropping pounds rapidly. I'm drinking my Healthwise hot chocolate in the mornings (15g of Protein- you can buy it at Aspen!) which feels familiar and warm. I'm doing an hour of cardio per day and looking towards working out with Nikki, again, in October. I'm finding that 'honeymoon period' again with my relationship to my health and it feels good...
I'm reuniting with the people, places, and things that sparked the incredible success I had exactly one year ago.
But most importantly, I've discovered the numbers on the scale mean absolutely nothing to me. Working out, eating right, being active... all of these things make me feel empowered, confident, and successful. My summertime hiatus made me feel fat and disappointed with myself. I had a daily, non-stop dialogue in my head about how uncomfortable I was and I could feel my success slipping away. I had nothing to be proud of, anymore. People would compliment my weight loss and I felt they were only being polite- I didn't know how to respond... It's not worth it.
Beauty really does come from the inside out and I am certain that 99% of weight loss is MENTAL. If I keep eating right, exercising, and living the way I know I should, people are going to see changes in me no matter what the scale says. When I'm happy, I radiate! THIS lifestyle brings me joy. It takes effort but so does eating junk and beating myself up over it. The choice is simple- I choose to do what's right.